"The Half-Assed Approach to Foundation Repair" -- Troy McClure: Hello, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such instructional videos as 'Mothballing Your Battleship,' and 'Dig Your Own Grave and Save!' Now over the next six hours I'll be taking you through the 'dos' and 'do not dos' of foundation repair. Ready? Homer: [to TV] Ready! Troy: First, patch the cracks in the slab using a latex patching compound and a patching trowel. Homer: [to Bart] Hand me my patching trowel, boy. [bart shrugs and hands him nothing] Homer: Hmm... Troy: Now, do you have extruded poly-vinyl foam insulation? Homer: [to TV] No. Troy: Good! Assemble the aluminum J-channel using self-burring screws. Install! Homer: What do I do for- Troy: After applying brushable coating to the panels, Homer: Wait a minute- Troy: You'll need some corrosion resistant metal stucco lath. Homer: Wait a minute! Troy: If you can't find metal stucco lath, Homer: Uh-huh? [encouraged] Troy: Use carbon-fiber stucco lath! Homer: D-oh! Troy: Now parge the lath!