I'm not making light of the situation, or FTJ's thoughtful and well-informed advice, but this made me laugh pretty hard. Taken out of context, I think it is most likely my new life motto. I think whether or not you talk to your sis yourself depends on how you know (bc, come on, you do have a pretty solid idea of how it'd play out) she'll take it. If she's an objective, open, and honest listener, then I think you can really help here. If she's more self-centered - not meaning maliciously, but sort of unable to hear criticism of what she feels is the 'right way' - and subjective, then I'd imagine it wouldn't go very well. I really like the advice you got to use a go-between like your mother (if she's still there) - who obviously did a pretty darn good job raising at least one male http://static.yuku.com//domainskins/bypass/img/smileys/wink.gif. Since you sis's perspective on you giving advice may be, 'well, you're not a woman trying to raise a man...', it would be great to have a shared perspective on which for her to lean. All in all, I'm very much the 'let's talk & be honest & open' type -- I much prefer to work something out than just pretend it'll go away. I would be like you here, I guess, wanting to counsel my sis on what I see turning into very serious socialization (or anti-soc.) problems for her young man, whom she very clearly cherishes. I think the biggest red flags to me are the crying over having dirty hands, the 'can't touch my wee-wee' rule (which, no offense, is just plain horrible - probably the biggest one to me, since he's setting up to forever have the image that his sexuality is 'dirty' & 'gross', that his penis is something to not be touched http://static.yuku.com//domainskins/bypass/img/smileys/frown.gif), and the general lack of social interaction or comfort therein. All of these, to me, are very serious because they may only continue to get worse & have bigger ramifications as he grows. While your sister's intentions are no doubt the purest of pure, there is so much more to be said for letting a young kid (of either gender) get their hands dirty - literally & figuratively - to learn & grow on his & her own. I know one of my uncles took that approach with his two boys, who were absolute terrors as toddlers & preschoolers, but are both maturing into calm, confident, and intelligent young men. When they'd fall & 'hurt' themselves, my uncle's response was always, "You're alright!", and the boys, when young, always were - and continue to be. Best of luck with a tricky situation, but your heart's in the right place!