I know we're all excited about the upcoming Brewers season, but what about our lovely competitors to the South? My predictions: Lou Pinella - During one of the Cubs 40-game losing streaks, Sweet Lou chokes an umpire to death after a marginal call on the basepaths in an attempt to "motivate the team." Carlos Zambrano - In the first filmed example of spontaneous combustion, Big Z's head explodes after a pitch 4 inches off the plate is mysteriously dubbed a ball. Ryan Theriot - "The Riot" finally lives up to his named and is detained at a newly reopened Gitmo after starting the great Chicago Riot of '09. Kosuke Fukudome - Fans start mispronouncing only the first part of Kosuke's last name, and laud the Japanese import by shouting it at him whenever he takes the field. Milton Bradley - Simply goes bat-poopy insane. Also, I believe Blago is going to end up the owner of the Cubs and arrange for campaign contributions for players to use such things as the dugouts and locker rooms.