After some thought I've come up with some ideas for this. Golden batter once per team per series, and same applies for the yang to its yin, the golden pitcher. Both must be declared prior to the series start. The golden pitcher can operate outside of the restrictions of the minimum batter rule, and doesn't impact the pitcher he replaces nor his own eligibility for the rest of the game if he only faces the golden batter. One caveat though, in order to use the golden batter or pitcher, he must have cut an 80's pro wrestling style promo on the other team's golden player, brother.
Aside from that, I like all of Underachiever's ideas. Particularly the Designated Goon. So many great potential candidates, including some sneaky under the radar low-cost ones for a cash strapped team like the Brewers.