Wow -- I can sort of relate to this. We have three kids -- One of my son's friends (nice kid) has a mom (nice lady) who dates a lot of the local barflies, and at any given time they could be living in her house. My son's friend will ask my son to stay over night, but we don't let him because we do not know the adults that could be at the house -- I dont think that is over the top. I can tell you though, there is nothing that can tear a family apart like well-intentioned members getting in between parents and their kids. My inlaws are constantly busting my chops, and it has damaged their relationship with my wife, so be careful how you approach this. At the end of the day, you seem to care about your nephew -- and he seems to need a good male role model. Just remember you are the adult in the relationship, and you should be able to be more flexible and patience with your nephew's issues, than he is with your issues. Be a consistent and stable part of his life, and start out small. I have a special needs daughter, and if I have learned one thing, is that being a part of a child's life, is a lifetime commitment, and patience is the greatest asset you can stockpile. For example -- maybe give him rubber gloves or something when he pees, so at least initially he isn't peeing on the floor. Make sure when you buy him treats, you buy him ones with sticks so his fingers don't get messy -- after all -- sharing a treat with you happily, and not peeing on the floor is what it is all about -- it's not about facilitating his phobias but rather the more positive experiences you and he share, the more he will trust you to help him get over his hurdles. Build some trust and be really patient. I really have a soft spot in my heart for little dudes that do not have a positive male role model. I really applaud your concern, and hope you remain encouraged to be a part of your nephew's life. If you ever need any ideas, or have any ?s, or just need to bounce things around -- do not hesitate to give me a holler.