I don't know where to start putting my thoughts down, but I'm going to anyway. It probably won't be organized. Since the news of the failed test broke in the 2011-2012 season, I've been hoping it wasn't true and trying to prepare myself for it being true. Yet tonight I don't feel like I prepared myself at all well for the allegations being true. I don't think I posted it here, but when people asked me what I thought of the whole situation, I had the same general response: Either Ryan's a remarkable player or a remarkable liar, and we don't have enough information yet to know which. I didn't want to insist on innocence or condemn without proof. I remember thinking late in 2011, "well, dude was banged up and taking something to heal faster would be plausible in that scenario." The (apparent) using is disappointing. To me, the repeated insistence that he was clean from fall 2011 to today is more disappointing. Initial shock aside, I think I'd have been less irritated overall had he just fessed up at the outset. As a Brewers fan, I felt somewhat "on trial" in the court of public opinion when the failed test news broke, and tonight I do again. I'm uneasily counting the hours until my STL fan friend (who is a solid friend in all facets of life except baseball) gets going on Facebook - as if I have anything to do with the damn case. It feels like a black mark on all of us, in a way. Like a recent poster above, I wonder what kind of a hit clubhouse chemistry will take from this. (I say this not yet having seen the clubhouse reaction after Monday's game.) I wonder what kind of a hit the fanbase will take from this. Look at how Brett Favre's actions polarized the Packers' fanbase - and that is a bigger and stronger fanbase than the Brewers'. I think of the Brewers employees I've gotten to know over the years. Marketing will be harder now. Ticket sales will be harder now. If attendance declines enough, it'll hurt our guest relations and usher friends. Between Brewerfan and Twitter and just being at a ton of games, I've seen how much work all these people put into making the organization a success, and I'd hate to see them take too many steps backward. Of course, the Brewers' fortunes are always driven by on-field performance and a zillion unpredictable factors. But Ryan's issue was 100% preventable. I don't have a Braun jersey to burn or trade in or anything. Actually, the only Braun gear I have is a Birrai shirt I got at TJ Maxx for $9.99, and that was just because the S.O. is part Italian and I wanted to honor that with the Birrai name. But I'm still disappointed, and I hope the ripple effect is less than I fear.