Article: My Mental Health Journey

[Sean Franken]

For those that may not know, May is Mental Health Awareness Month. I want to go off-topic and share my mental health journey with you. Perhaps you’ve noticed that since last season I’ve been MIA on Brewer Fanatic; the reason is that I’ve been battling depression.

Image courtesy of © Benny Sieu-USA TODAY Sports

I’m not even sure how long I’ve been depressed. I’m beginning to realize that it’s probably been a long time and that I’ve hidden it or bottled it up, it’s gotten worse. Those close to me probably don’t even realize I have mental health issues. I’ve become good at hiding it. I use humor. I use a Brewers Twitter account where I rarely take things seriously. Over the past several months, however, I’ve made the choice to take my mental health seriously.

Its not a good feeling when you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see. Too often over the past couple years I’ve realized that I don’t love myself. Truth be told, I think it’s gone on way longer than that. I think, for the better part of my adult life, I haven’t loved myself. Again, I’ve done a good job of hiding this throughout my life. I’ve done a good job of being the person people expected me to be at any given time.

It was the times where I was alone with my thoughts that these feelings came out. “I’m not capable of being loved.” “I’m not good enough.” “I’m a failure.” Those things may not have been reality, but they were MY reality. 

Reality is that in 2018, I married the love of my life, my rock, my soulmate. MY reality has me asking her at times how she could love someone like me, and telling her that she could’ve done better than someone like me.

Reality is that in 2018 I found my dream job. I am now the Director of a work program that helps adults with disabilities reach their goal of employment out in the community. My staff and I make a difference every day. MY reality is that I’m a failure and am letting down my staff and our program members constantly. 

Of course, for years, I thought, “This can’t be happening to me. I’m not the type to be depressed.” The thing is, that is what was happening to me. There is no type. My wife, who has been amazing through all of this, pushed me to get help, to talk to someone. I resisted at first, then I met with one of those employee counseling services. The bad days continued. Then, earlier this year, thanks to my wife’s support,  I started seeing a professional therapist on a regular basis. It was something that was very much out of my comfort zone.

Sometimes you need to get out of your comfort zone, which I was definitely not used to doing. The therapy has helped. Since I’ve been going, the good days have outnumbered the bad. There are still days I don’t want to be around people, so if I say no to something, please don’t be offended. I just need time to myself. If I’m out or at a gathering and appear to be antisocial, please don’t take offense. It’s just me wanting to be alone. When I’m in that zone, it’s something I can’t help.

I’m sharing my story, because perhaps there is someone out there who could benefit from hearing it--someone who, like me, thought this couldn’t happen to them. Making your mental health a priority is important. It’s ok not to be ok. It’s ok to ask for help.

I still have days of feeling like I’m not good enough, but they’re becoming less and less frequent. The good days are winning. I know I’m blessed with an amazing wife, family and friends, and I love you all. Now I need to work on loving myself. I’m getting there. One day at a time. 

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[Jake McKibbin]

Yes brother! Love to hear people beating the bajeezus out of their demons, keep it up!

[Jason Wang]

The unfortunate reality is that many men struggle to be vulnerable and seek help in tough times. There's been a "push" for more men to seek therapy but to me, it's a false narrative used to belittle men even further.

I see a lot of jokes made about how all men "need therapy" because of seemingly innocuous things they do or say. It doesn't address the fact that in many areas (like Seattle, where I live), there is an extreme shortage of available therapists or the fact that therapy is extremely pricey and can be inaccessible for many.

Sean, I relate a lot to your story. Every few months, I get in the same state. I feel that I'll never get the respect I want or deserve and that there is no hope. When I try to tell others about how I feel, they always just tell me to "get therapy" or to "change the way I see the world," the equivalent of telling people with depression to "just be happy."

I've been to therapy for a while but it hasn't been effective for me thus far. I'm hoping to find a more productive solution down the line but for now, I've more or less had to depend on myself and a few very close friends. 

I'm glad you surfaced this and I hope that you know that if nothing else, there is a small but enthusiastic community of cheesehead-wearing people on this site that will have your back if you find yourself back in the trenches. 

[pitchleague]

You could take the OP’s post and paste my username in front of it and most everything would apply to my situation, as well.

I’ve gone to therapy for about three years now to deal with my anxiety and depression-type issues.  It has been a godsend for me.  And I, too, would have always been one of those , “I don’t therapy” kind of guys.  But if you find the right therapist it can change your life.

im still a devout introvert but it look at myself more of an omnivert (or even an extroverted introvert.). If I know you, I can be the life of the party or talk to you about anything.  But if I don’t know you, it would be easier for me to have a root canal than to go over and try to talk to you.  And sometimes, I just want to be left alone to do my own stuff.

I’m glad that mental health, especially in men, is coming more and more into the forefront and, likewise, more and more people and accepting and understanding.