My day care provider. I have joint custody of my older son (6), and my ex kisses up to all his care providers. It usually takes them a few months to figure out that she sucks up for show, and does very little with him. She basically ignores him and leaves him to entertain himself, unless there is a public chance for her to try to appear as "mother of the year". Within a few months, most people realize that my wife and I really work with him, and give him tons of attention. At this point they realize I'm not the bad guy, and move on with life. I don't feel the need to kiss up to teachers and day care providers, I'm polite, but am not looking for new best friends. His current day care provider is dumb enough that she hasn't figured it out yet, it's been 2 years. She hasn't realized that any time he is sick, I am the one who comes to get him, (because the ex doesn't answer her phone). That we are the ones who are pushing him so hard at potty training (he has developmental delays), at learning his numbers (he knows them, he just can't see the order correctly in his head), that dress him in clothes that actually fit him and weren't third generation hand-me-downs (she has an older daughter who dresses impeccably, my son looks homeless when she dresses him, and with a 50/50 split and me still paying child support, she can afford to buy him clothes). The ex has been gone for a week, so my son has been at my house every night. He has stopped biting his nails, he is more focused, and we got a note home from his teacher yesterday saying that he is the happiest she has ever seen him. This morning, the day care lady made a big production over the ex being gone. "When does your mommy get back? I bet you can't wait to go home?", if you must, say that to him after I leave. I don't want her out of his life, but I would like him to have the consistency of being at the same house every night during the week. The ex works second shift, so he spends his evenings with a babysitter when he is at her house. Unfortunately, the county in IL that I have to go to court in is extremely "pro-mother". She would have to beat him to lose any sort of custody. What's bugging me is the antequated notion that the mother is always the best parent.