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Can Bill Hall Pitch?

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-Bill Hall doesn't pop out, he hits the ball around the world and it just happens to stop in the outfield...on its 5th revolution.


-Bill Hall's groundballs turn natural grass into field turf.


-Bill Hall doesn't chew tobacco. Tobacco is for sissies. Bill Hall chews asbestos.


-Bill Hall didn't toil in the minor leagues, he actually is a natural lefty who was teaching himself to hit right-handed out of fairness to the league.


-Davy Lopes, and Jerry Royster were allowed to live after Bill Hall fired them. They are the only known men to have crossed Bill Hall and lived to talk about it...Bill Hall is merciful.


-Bill Hall's throws produce enough energy to light the entire US.


-Bill Hall thinks we should drill in ANWR so he can take a break from powering the world.

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-Chicks dig the long ball...because Bill Hall invented it.

-Bill Hall gets has a bonus built into his contract if he slaughters less than 7 pitchers in one season

-Bill Hall once pitched a perfect game. During a postgame interview, a reporter asked him how it felt to be perfect and Bill responded, "I'm used to it by now."

-"Greenies" are merely Bill Hall's kidney stones.

-Bill Hall widdles his own bats from live redwoods...with his teeth.

-Bill Hall once won the MVP, Rookie of the Year, and Cy Young awards in both leagues while playing shortstop in high school.

-Double headers were invented in an attempt to tire out Bill Hall...the idea failed miserably

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I used to wonder if Hall could catch, given his mobility and arm strength. Of course, I was among those who loved seeing Branyan warming a guy up in the pen last year, as I had visions of him starting once or twice a week behind the dish, putting up Matt Nokes/Lance Parrish/Mickey Tettleton type numbers.
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The Brewers and We Energies will introduce the "We Energies High Energy Player of the Year" award this season. Fans and media will vote for the Brewer "who they believe best personifies the characteristics of hard work and an aggressive approach to playing the game."



Before a single vote has been cast, Bill Hall has already won the award annually through the 2014 season.

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I know this thread is dying (this saddens me deeply) but I was listening to Tenacious D and felt that this needed to be said:


Bill Hall has powers comparable to WonderBoy!


What kind of powers? How about the power of flight.....that do anything for you?


How about the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away....WITH MIND BULLETS!!!!


How about the power......to move you. (I don't think anyone can disagree with this one).

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Brewers Nearly Grounded by Mechanical Failure


MILWAUKEE - It almost went from bad to worse for the Milwaukee Brewers on their way back from Southern California on Thursday afternoon. After going 1-5 on their most recent road trip, the team charter experienced mechanical problems. Eager to get back to Miller Park after the tough week, manager Ned Yost called on super-utility man Bill Hall once again.


After sizing up the situation, Hall picked up the plane and threw it--and his teammates--back to Milwaukee.


"I knew he could do it," Yost said. "I've called on him in all kinds of tough situations all year and he's always come through for us. He's a fighter, and a gamer, and a hard-worker."


As he has all year, Hall took the success in stride. "It was nothing really. I just needed to get a bit of a running start."


The Brewers start an extended homestand with a three-game series against the New York Mets on Friday.

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Bill Hall was the original casting choice for Samuel L. Jackson's role in "Snakes on a Plane", until producers realized that the idea of Hall actually struggling to combat the snakes was too farfetched.


The "white noise" that was once thought to be caused by electronic devices is actually the sound of multiple Bill Hall dingers that haven't landed yet and are orbiting the earth's atmosphere.

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Bill Hall was the original casting choice for Samuel L. Jackson's role in "Snakes on a Plane", until producers realized that the idea of Hall actually struggling to combat the snakes was too farfetched.

He was also supposed to play Mace Windu, until the special effects people sued after being laid off because Hall can actually use the force, rendering special effects unnecessary.

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Bill Hall is a dynamic figure, often seen rescuing seals and sketching pierced body parts. He translates ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees and writes award winning operas; he manages time efficiently. Occasionally, he treads water for three days in a row. He makes women swoon with sensuous and god-like tuba ballads and cooks thirty minute brownies in twenty minutes.


He is an expert in stucco, a proselytizer of the Kama Sutra and an outlaw in Peru. He plays bluegrass cellos, was scouted by the Packers and is the subject of numerous documentaries.


He does not perspire.


Children trust him. He once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day, and has memorized the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. He has performed several covert operations for the CIA. He sleeps once a week when he sleeps, he sleeps in a chair.


The laws of physics do not apply to him.


He knows the DaVinci code?backwards.

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This just in......Bill has only been playing part time b/c he's been working on some pharmaceutical chemistry in the dugout. Apparently when they asked Bill to use a pink bat for breast cancer awareness he wasn't thilled about the pink bat. He decided to do it for the great cause b/c it was the right thing to do, but he really really hates pink. Tomorrow Bill is unveiling his cure for cancer and will become an everyday player.
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I think that the next time Ned Yost gets thrown out of a game, the Brewers should have Bill Hall take over managerial duties for the remainder of the game...


Also, I heard that the reason Bill Hall is so clutch is because he has developed telepathic powers. No need to try to steal signs when you can read the opposing catcher's thoughts...

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Out of fear and respect, President Bush passed legislation to rename Mother's Day. Its new name will be "Bill Hall presents Mother's Day"


Bill Hall's mother was the first professional female baseball player. She has thrown every perfect game in the history of baseball.


Bill Hall once played shortstop, second base, and outfield in an afternoon game at Miller Park against the Astros. He then took 94 east to start at point gaurd for the Bucks in a game against the Rockets. The game was the first shutout in NBA history. The next day, the Texans instantly forfieted their game against the Packers after hearing that Bill Hall would be starting at quarterback. The city of Houston has since been renamed Bill Hall, Texas.


Bill Hall once hit a walk-off home run in the bottom of the ninth, but his thirst for victory wasn't fully quenched, so he insisted that the game go on. The umpires held a quick conference, decided to continue the game, and then threw out the opposing manager, pitcher and entire outfield for looking at Bill Hall. He hit another walk-off home run in the 10th. It landed in Lambeau Field.


PPD stands for 'Postponed because Bill Hall says so'.


There is no such thing as the 'strike zone'. After each pitch, the umpire simply looks to Bill Hall, who either nods or shakes his head.


Earlier this season, after beating the Reds 11-0, Bill Hall decided it wasn't fair and played for Cinncinati the next day.


Baseball used to have a 10th position called Bill Hall, but he got bored and decided to become a super-utility player.


Miller Park was only built because Bill Hall decided to move County Stadium to his backyard in order to host an annual reenactment of the movie 'Major League', in which he plays Rick 'Wild Thing' Vaugn, Jake Taylor, and Roger Dorn. The only differences are that he renamed the character to Rick 'Bill Hall' Vaugn and the Cleveland Indians win the world series as well as the World Baseball Classic.


"Miracle" was initially supposed to be an autobiographical movie about Bill Hall, but Corey Koskie begged him to make it about hockey instead. Billy complied, but only allows Koskie to start at third out of pity.


Bill Hall was the MVP of the 1982 ALCS.


Pete Rose was betting on Bill Hall. Can you blame him?


That isn't a wad of tobacco in Bill Hall's mouth, it's barbed-wire. He says it "levels the playing-field."


Bill Hall sometimes likes attending Cubs games under the alias, Steve Bartman.


Fans at Wrigley Field don't throw back home run balls. Coincidentally, those are all Bill Hall home runs landing.


Brady Clark's average went down this year because Bill Hall wanted to try center field.


Brett Favre was never addicted to Vicodin, he was addicted to Bill Hall. To help encourage Brett to kick the habit, Billy gave him the three consecutive NFL MVP awards he had won.


Bill Hall once went into the Miller Brewery and helped himself to some fine beverages. The resulting shortage led Miller Park concession workers to raise the price of beer from $0.50 to $7.00.


The words to 'Take me out to the ballgame' were originally "and root, root, root for Bill Hall," but everytime it was sung, the crowd reacted so loudly that an earthquake destroyed the stadium, so he allowed it to be changed.


Bill Hall runs in the sausage race in each game. He switches every day so that each sausage has an equal chance to win.


Once, after batting practice, the umpires realized that they had simply run out of baseballs. It turns out that Bill Hall had hit all of them out of the stadium. Feeling responsible, Bill Hall poured 5,000 full cups of water out of a single water-cooler. He then turned the water into baseballs.

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